


What'll I Do?

by IvanW



Series: Song Inspired Fics [5]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Love, M/M, One Shot, Romance, Song Inspired, Song fic, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 00:11:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20826128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: This fic was inspired by Irving Berlin's What'll I Do?(much happier outcome)





	What'll I Do?

“Well.” Jim looked down at his feet for a moment. Tried to get himself in check. Because, God, if he cried now, in front of him, in front of everyone there, really, at the shuttle, all around them. It would just…

“Jim, it’s time to go.”

He nodded. Swallowed. Made his gaze rise to the expressionless face looking across at him. But Jim wasn’t at all fooled. Maybe everyone else there would be, but no. Not him. Those dark brown eyes were soft and full of as much sorrow as what caused Jim’s chest to ache.

There were so many…Vulcans around them. And a couple of humans, too. Bones behind him, impatiently calling for him to hurry. To go. To leave…Spock behind.

But God, he didn’t want to.

“I must go, Jim.” Spock’s softly spoken words hit Jim like a bucket of ice cubes being poured over his head. “And you have somewhere to be also.”

“_Jim_! We’re going to miss it. Get your ass over here _now_.”

_Boarding Shuttle 99. Boarding Shuttle 99. Last Call._

“I…”

“Jim!”

His throat burned and his chest felt so tight he thought his heart would surely burst out from the chest cavity. “Bye, Spock.”

“Goodbye, Jim.” Spock held up his hand in the ta’al and Jim did not want to hear him say ‘Live Long and Prosper’. He just didn’t.

Someone grabbed his arm, Bones probably, and yanked him away before Spock had the chance. He was dragged away.

Jim stopped, over Bones loud protests that were definitely causing a scene in the shuttle bay on Vulcan. He looked back to where he’d left Spock, but Spock was walking away and never looked back.

Bones’ grip eased on his arm. “Come on, Jim. It’s time to leave.”

Once seated on the shuttle, Jim took out the picture they’d taken last month in Shikhar. Jim was smiling, Spock was looking Spock-like. He traced his finger over the image of Spock.

Bones looked over his shoulder at the photo. He sighed. “I’m sorry, Jim.”

“It just…I never felt…I can’t believe it’s over. Just like that.”

Across from him, Ensign Marla Hightower huffed. “Oh, Lord. Save me from lovesick cadets like you.”

“Shut up, Marla,” Bones said.

“Well come on. Kirk, you knew our time on Vulcan was temporary. We were only studying at their Science Academy for three months. We were fortunate they let us stay that extra month. You were never going to be anything but a brief blip on that Vulcan’s radar.”

“Yeah. But.”

“But nothing. You were fortunate you even got his interest for that long. Vulcans aren’t usually interested in humans. Spock only was because he’s part human. And anyway, isn’t he engaged or whatever to another Vulcan?”

“Yeah,” Jim said softly.

“Your dreams of a life with Spock will never come true, Kirk. So just get over it and spare us all from your moping.”

Bones snarled at her, but Jim just shook his head. “Never mind, Bones. It doesn’t matter. And she’s probably right anyway.”

“Well. She is about some of it, Jim. I don’t know what you were thinking getting involved with him anyway. It’s not like you to get serious like that. And that was fast.”

But Jim just shook his head again and stared down at the photograph. It was all he had left of his time with Spock.

****

When they landed, Jim went straight home to his apartment off campus. Bones offered to keep him company, but Jim figured he should just get used to being alone again. For four months he’d been one half of a couple.

He checked his messages, with a tiny amount of hope that there would be one from Spock, but there wasn’t. Nothing. He tossed down his PADD.

Then he picked it up again and found the picture he had of T’Pring. The Vulcan woman Spock would bond with some day. Something about when he went through Pon Farr. Jim had looked her up when he was there. She wasn’t on Vulcan, but was serving somewhere else as a science officer. That’s how he knew how beautiful she was. He didn’t tell Spock he had looked her up, but Spock had told him everything about her. And how things worked with Vulcans.

None of this could be pinned on Spock. He had been upfront with Jim from the beginning that they could never have a long-term relationship. Jim thought that would be okay.

And it so wasn’t.

“Some day you’ll be kissing her, and I’ll be left wondering why I…” Jim flung the PADD aside again. “Fuck this. God, what is wrong with me? I don’t fall in love. Love is for-for-for…”

He’d never told Spock he loved him. Spock had never told Jim he loved Jim either. But Jim had felt it. In every touch. In every kiss. Every time they made love. Because yes, they made love. Not just had sex.

Jim sunk down on the couch and stared at the picture of him with Spock again. “Who will I tell all my troubles and secrets to now, Spock?”

But of course picture Spock didn’t say a word.

Jim finally allowed the tears he’d been holding back to flow down his cheeks.

He fell asleep on the couch that night clutching the picture.

****

“Hey, Kirk, you want another shot at a temporary assignment?” Marla Hightower smirked down at him from where she stood next to the cafeteria table where he was eating his lunch about a month later. “This time Andoria. Three months starting in February.”

He shook his head. “No, I’ll pass. I’m deep into Command track right now. Don’t want to miss anything.”

“You sure? A new romance might take your mind off the old one?”

Jim scowled. “I’m already over that. And no, I’m not interested.”

She shrugged. “Suit yourself then, lover boy. But extra credit would look good for your record. See me if you change your mind.”

“I won’t,” Jim muttered as she moved away. He finished his lunch and checked his schedule and decided to skip his last class for the day and just go home. He was ahead anyway.

He’d been home about an hour, just watching mindless crap on his monitor when there was a very brisk knock on his door. He had not been expecting anyone. But maybe it was Bones checking on him again. He seemed to do that a lot lately.

He picked up his earlier discarded T-shirt he’d taken off when he go too warm and pulled it on over his head as he approached the door.

“Bones?” Jim opened the door. “I’m okay. I…”

“I am not Bones.”

Jim stared at Spock. His heart began to beat so hard he thought maybe he’d pass out. “Am I…dreaming?”

“No. May I…?”

Jim stood back to let Spock inside. Spock held a small bag in his hands. Clutched tightly.

“I…missed you.”

“What?” Jim asked, dumbfounded.

“I have been unable to stop thinking of you, Jim. I have been wondering who…you have been with and I…”

“No one,” Jim said quickly. He took a step closer, his gaze going to the bag in Spock’s hands. “What…what do you have?”

“My things. I have…” Spock shook his head and exhaled. “I have left Vulcan. I have left everything behind. I have enlisted at Starfleet Academy. My father is displeased. But I thought…if I have miscalculated—”

Jim shut him up with a deep and thorough kiss.

When the kiss ended, Spock’s eyes were shining.

“I missed you, too.” He laughed, feeling suddenly giddy, grabbed Spock’s bag, tossed it toward the living room, and pulled Spock close once more, for another kiss, but first, “I love you. So much.”


End file.
